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Insecurity in the Face of Entertainment

File this one under, "It's my Blog and I'll whine about my personal problems if I want to."

I'll at least do you the courtesy of allowing you to choose whether or not you want to read it.

In the face of this City of Heroes board post, we come to the true and honest fact behind my alt-a-holicism in games: I'm insecure. I won't make excuses - suffice to say, I've always been a bit insecure, to the point where one might start wondering if it's genetics or environment. I might be a little more insecure than usual lately because I've been on a two day funk caused perhaps by a caffeine crash further bolstered by allergies. I don't like doing much of anything, much less stick to a single character in City of Heroes.

In any case, my insecurities have undermined my goal of getting level 50 with any one hero nicely. For that matter, my insecurities have prevented me from reaching the later levels in any MMORPG. How does one overcome their nagging doubts when they are fundamentally a worry-wort? Apparently they don't - they keep waffling to the end of time. The more trivial the pursuit, the more likely they won't stick to their earlier decisions, because what's it matter? It's a trivial pursuit.
In the end, doubt is confounded and willpower proven by a simple statement, one bought out by a certain sneaker company: "Just Do It." Yet, if just doing it were easy, we would all have boundless energy and million dollars. When it comes to City of Heroes, I simply don't know where to start. Thanks to my alting around, I now have many very acceptable heroes to advance to 50, all I have to do is choose one and put my doubts behind me. Because the choosing process seems to confound me, maybe I should just flip a coin. After all, the consequence is trivial.

Maybe depression is contributing to this fatigue of mine as well. In any case, I'm going to try to drag these heavy bones of mine down to the treadmill and see if a half hour of walking will pull my soul a few rungs up the ladder.


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