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More Evasion

Some days, it's clearer than others that the boredom being digitally staved off here is my own.

Today is a weekend of writing up a lovely research paper about Maggie, a Girl of the Streets with a bit of pontification about Stephen Crane, Naturalism, and discussion of the horse-drawn buggy that I hope will convince my instructor I'm able to acceptably grok a subject matter.

As for me, I'm such an existentialist that I'm not satisfied with the extent in which I can grok the man I see in the mirror, let alone a young writer of over a hundred years ago other than to say he seemed to care about writing to meaningfully convey feeling and emotion, only to pass away too young:

"In the desert I saw a creature // naked, bestial, who, squatting upon the ground // Held his heart in his hands, And ate of it. // I said, "Is it good, friend?" // "It is bitter -- bitter," he answered; // "But I like it Because it is bitter, And because it is my heart." -- Stephen Crane

My mind hates doing productive things, it runs wild and uncaged like a stallion on the open prairie, and frequently tramples me in my attempts to confine it. Mindfulness meditation is especially challenging for me, it would seem. Mind off its tether, procrastination results, and that's one reason why I write this here, on my gaming Blog: perhaps I can tire this bastard horse out enough that I can hook up the yoke. The other reason is because what I'm writing now is probably infinitely more exciting than what's been going on with gaming lately.

The PC Gaming industry likely isn't going to outright die any more than the common cold, but it is indeed slipping to smaller companies because (never mind the pirates) frankly certain big corporate entities have killed the goose that laid the golden egg in their treatment of their artists. Now, as in the last decade past, I sit about waiting for a awesome gem to slip through a morass of green tape (a money-grubber's equivalent of red tape). Usually, I encounter really-advanced-clone-mk-5bazillion and that's a bit like getting excited over the dentist finding a more technologically advanced way to give a root canal: Still painful, but in an improved sort of way that I can begrudgingly appreciate.

Personally, I'm currently waffling between City of Heroes and Cabal Online having found that, tragically, both spoil me in a way the other cannot satisfy. At the most basic level, Cabal Online still has challenging gameplay at the GUI level while City of Heroes has a much more dynamic and less repetitive feeling execution. I'd get into more details at this point, but frankly you'd have to be some kind of saint to have read this far.

Suffice to say, nothing important is going on gaming-wise for me right now, and even the upcoming prospects seem bleak. It seems the only way to find appreciation for PC gaming again is to write em myself, and I have to master reliably beating procrastination first. Maybe I'll relabel the Blog, instead.

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