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I'm no longer the Hot Dog King

At the risk of simultaneously bringing upon myself accusations of being a pervert and a prude, I'll say that Hot Dog King lost a bit of its appeal for me when I discovered that many of the outfits forced onto the largely teen employees (including the default ones) seem to be lacking undergarments. A crude polygon representation of shaved unmentionables awaits overly curious managers in Hot Dog King, an easter egg that doubles as a gynecologist's worst nightmare.

Perhaps it's a sign of my advancing years, but this discovery struck me as more gross than appealing. If I'm ordering a burger and fry combo from some girl who apparently didn't have time to change out of her cheerleader outfit before attending work, I'm hoping she's at least wearing some kind of insulating layer to distance her yeast-infected vulva from my food. I don't care if they have a food handler's license, these girls have lost all credibility as far as I'm concerned... you'd think they'd at least wear a hairnet.

Having learned this terrible truth, the rest of the game took on a more sinister tone: The mafia connections. The whack-a-rat mini-game (whose successful completion increases your shop's food stores with mystery meat). The random discovery of mysterious food poisoning that has your helpful adviser recommending staying open until it blows over, resulting in mass vomiting. Maybe they were trying to be funny, but I wasn't laughing, not in the terrifying virtual world of exposed genitalia on food servers. The alien invasions, computer viruses, and armed robberies thwarted via mini-games were comparatively benign in comparison to the megalomaniacal goal of this hot dog franchise: complete gastrointestinal genocide.

Stop the train, I want out of this madhouse. Avoiding the gaze of the dangerous women I had inadvertently hired to compete in the cutthroat fast food business, I silently crept over to the uninstall button. The bad, bad virtual world went away in a silent scream: I'm done playing Hot Dog King. Fortunately, there's more games to play as part of my Gametap subscription while I wait for my EVE Online skills to train. For example, Restaurant Empire, a game of fine dining that won't leave its patrons swearing off food forever.

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