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One Loser's Lament

You'd think being a wretched neckbeard basement dweller would be an easy enough life, but the human mind is ever-wanting, and finds a way to spin a far more complicated tale.

After wondering about adult attention deficiency (hyperactivity) disorder at the end of the last blog entry, I did a little research on it and determined that contributing factors when it is found in adults include (among other things):
  • A poor diet.  For example, me and my tendency to eat out a lot.
  • Lack of exercise.  For example, me and my sitting at my computer for 14 hours a day.
  • Low sleep quality.  For example, me and my getting up 5 times a night to drain the lizard when I drink a lot of tea close to bed time.
Well, what do you know, I'm in prime risk factor status!

Thus motivated, I embarked upon a plan to get at least 30 minutes of exercise every single day, rest better, and eat better.  I'm fighting for my life against a deeply entrenched habit, and can tell you from personal experience that even those 30 minutes are a massive improvement to my quality of life, that's just how much of a rut I've been in.  Almost immediately upon starting, the pall of my depression began to lift, my nervous browsing habits subsided somewhat, and I actually started to make some progress in my game development... almost.

I think I need a different mentality to make games, more of the mentality of a nerd enjoying poking and prodding with his computer to see what fun new things he can make it do.  The mentality of a creator, to be sure.  I can do that, I know this because I've been there before.

I also have been getting involved with forums more as of late, despite knowing it's a tremendous waste of my time, because there was a certain event related to brony fandom that brought about some rather interesting times.  I'm probably going to try to limit that habit, as nothing good really comes of it, even though I do enjoy the spectacle of the situation.

Finally, because I was feeling less depressed, it also meant that I could actually enjoy the game I have more (which was a large part of the reason why I wanted to do game development to begin with: I was unable to enjoy any of the games I had).  In particular, I've been playing Planetside 2 a bit lately.  For the most part, I've been enjoying the game, but...
How to get a positive K:D ratio in Planetside 2 without cheating: be an unpredictable douchebag who shoots everyone in the back.'s somewhat annoying when I'm playing a FPS and I get killed nearly instantly by some asshole who is camping somewhere where they can't be spotted.  If it happens only once in awhile, no problem... but in Planetside 2, it happens constantly.   After all, the Battlefield series (especially 2 and onward) made ganking from a state of not-being-spotted into a core game mechanic, and Planetside 2 cops rather heavily from BF3's core design.  At least three out of four deaths, it's because of this.  They're usually hiding behind rocks waiting for people to pass by, embedded in scaffolding or above doorways, on a distant hill with sniper rifle in hand, or gunning from a heavy bomber so high up that it's camouflaged against the skybox.  Expect to be flanked regularly, especially when your faction is outnumbered, as it's one of the only tactics that actually work in this game.

Normally I can deal with it but, when I'm already feeling sick and irritable, the constant dying at no fault of my own makes the game insufferable.  Yes, I've caught another illness, only about a month after that nasty stomach bug I had at the turn of the year, but this time in the vein of standard creeping crud: a formidable strain of the common cold.  Honestly, I feel like I live in disease central:
  • I've got a sister who we regularly visit, or regularly visits us, who has two toddlers with full exposure to the daycares in a major metropolitan area.  My dad just came back from visiting courting pneumonia, I was the one who had to drive him back from the train station, and I really hope his strain of cold is the same I already have.
  • My mom's company has folks who nobly brave disease-ridden swamps and waterways in the name of fish conservation.
  • My brother enjoys playing tabletop games with fellow college students.
  • My dad enjoys leaving doors and windows open without so much as the benefit of a screen in order to get "fresh air" from the outside even during damp, miserable, mosquito-ridden days.
  • Never mind that I keep 3 cats with indoor litter boxes that I may forget to clean out for up to a week at a time.  At least I'm probably used to those germs by now, provided the cats aren't finding a way to bring new diseases in (see the open doors/windows above and combine with the potential for neighborhood cat exposure).
Put it all altogether and, even though I nary ever leave my own home, disease manages to find its way to me.  Not that I'm about to start running around the house wearing kleenex boxes on my feet and rubber gloves, desanitizing anything like a good obsessive compulsive germophobe.  I just wish I'd stop getting sick so I could go ahead with my plan to exercise regularly and take back my life!

Well, in all honestly, this cold isn't completely debilitating.  It's the kind of coughy, sneezy, runny-nosed crud that still leaves you with enough energy to go out and about and do things in (albeit at the consequence of exposing others).   So, having had a couple hours to digest my food, I can probably step on a treadmill for a half-hour right after I finish editing this blog entry.  Though 4-5 days a week are often recommended, my goal is to try to do this every single day, and hopefully it'll become a habit as well-engrained as brushing my teeth every night.  From there, I hope to see a significant improvement in my productivity during my free time.


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